21st September 2017

Creative Writing

At first glance, I didn’t even notice the barricade between me and a world I never could imagine, existed. The dome shaped screen separating me from the unknown, shimmered in the early morning sunlight and contained a swirling white mist, flecked with golden sparkles; giving a somewhat magical quality to the whole situation. Nothing but curiosity flowed through my mind and fear was a distant thought in the far recess of my brain. Never did it occur to me in that instant, that a place such as this was never intended for a human being to experience, let alone see.

I found myself raising my hand to press against the dome’s surface. It was cool and smooth to the touch and felt as solid as a pane of glass; until it wasn’t. The dome began to mold to the shape of my palm as if it had a mind of its own; engulfing it with an urgency that slightly scared me and finally shook me from my awe and caused me to realise that was I was experiencing, truly wasn’t normal.

Can’t breathe. Can’t move. Can’t escape. Can’t think.

Silence; utter silence filled my ears. Gently and slowly, the quiet is filled with the melody of chirping birds and the whisper of a breeze in the tree tops. The most magnificent sight lies before me. A place infused with vibrant colours so bright that they seem to burn my eyes at the expense of their beauty. A bubbling brook twists and turns around lush green groves.

Shaking me from my bewilderment, movement out of the corner of my eye catches my attention. I gaze up into the towering treetops and to my astonishment, there is a man perched in the tree. With an arrow knocked and his bow aimed at me he says, “You shouldn’t be here.”. The words are spoken softly and have a strange bell like quality to them and although he only spoke quietly, I had no trouble hearing his voice despite the distance between us.

Suddenly he leaped from his position in the tree and seemed to float to the ground. Glancing behind him once, he caught my eyes and I felt a lust to follow him. Walking quickly but gracefully, this strange man guided me through the forest of peoples’ dreams. Everything seemed to have a slight sparkling quality, even the dark bark on the ancient trees glittered in the filtered sunlight.

“What is your name?”
His voice startled me as a word had no been uttered since we began walking.
“Ahhh, Celestina, or Celes for short. What is your name?” I replied.
“My name is Bastian and I am blessed to be in the presence of the only half elf in existence.”
“I’m sorry, what did you say?” I ask in shock.

Join the conversation! 2 Comments

  1. A great beginning, Kerri. I have enjoyed reading the depth of detail (and purposeful sentence structures) in this piece so far. Please complete your draft of this 3.4 writing this week.

  2. Kerri, the opening paragraphs of this writing is structured extremely effectively. It seems like you have read these opening sections out loud because there is a purposeful “flow” of ideas and the pauses and stops add to the voice of the narrator. A few things to re-visit:
    1) The use of semi-colons is not accurate overall in this piece- often a comma or full-stop should be used instead. A semi-colon should only be used when the pieces of information on either side are complete sentences.
    2) You begin to change tense from past to present part way through your piece. Go through from the “Silence” paragraph and check that all of your tense is consistent.
    3) You do introduce interesting details that do not seem fully developed. I.e. sights, sounds… These details could be given more clarity for the reader.
    * If you do decide this week to include this piece for your Portfolio, then it will need to be completed.
    * Beautiful imagery in places.


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